I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Please don't give away my fajitas
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