i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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