Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
nutella sex= disaster
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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