So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
