Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize