Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
