I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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