dude i'm inner monologue high
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
