I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
