remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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