i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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