After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
