then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
