please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize