She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
