your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
