it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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