Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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