Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
