Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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