is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize