Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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