You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
