We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
