Ambien. No doubt about it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Shame - the story of my life.
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