If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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