I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
