Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
