im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize