So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
