Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
