theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
