I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
