Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
high people should be assigned attendants
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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