I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
