Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize