I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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