Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
