OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
two words: eviction party
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
