If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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