how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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