NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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