I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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