I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
