Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize