So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
well you can't waste a boner
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
