you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
