Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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