Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dick very happy bro
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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