It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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