Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
