can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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