Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
