I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
