[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
