Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
