We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
