she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
