My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
