I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
