Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize