i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
