they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize