I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize