'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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