her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I deserve this hangover.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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