So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
