I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize