for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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