hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
