Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
