I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
