you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
