Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
