Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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