I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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