the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
