My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
